Tuesday, August 12, 2014

“I don’t get it either. I sent you a scientist, an engineer, solar panels and wind turbines.”

This is a story of a man who was a firm believer in God, Glen Beck, Sean Hannity and FOX News.

It was hot. Very hot. And dry. His electrical power was shutting down a few times a day with peak usage. He was paying twice as much for half as much water, his lawn was brown, and his cost of food had doubled.

The man sat down in front of the TV, and knew that he would be OK. God would protect him.

He was hot, and he was thirsty. A friend came by and said: “Hey, watch this. It's a documentary. It shows that 97% of scientists agree that because we have been redistributing carbon from our earth to our atmosphere and waters at an alarming rate for the last century, temperatures in both will be rising. This will cause polar ice to melt, ocean levels to rise, cities to flood, and weather patterns to change. If we begin to work now, we can reverse the trend.” “No thanks,” said the man. “I’m a firm believer in God. He will save me, and my TV tells me that these scientists are in collusion so Democrats can tax me, and that the earth is actually cooling. God made the earth, and there is no way man can destroy it.” He sent the friend away.

The summers got hotter, and unprecedented winter storms made him miserable. Another friend came by with an engineer and a businessman, and they said: “You look like you could use some help. We'd like to develop your neighbor's land with solar panels and wind turbines. This project will power tens of thousands of homes and businesses. The panels will cover a lot of ground and birds fly into the turbines. We'll do our best to mitigate this damage. We would like your agreement to let us build this in exchange for infringing on a little bit of your view.”

“No.” said the man. “I’m a firm believer in God. He will rescue us. The TV tells me that this is just a plan to tax me and kill jobs. We can depend on clean coal and the revolution in natural gas, and tens of thousands of jobs will be created if I let them build a pipeline on my land. Don’t worry about me.” The engineer and entrepreneur drove away.

It got hotter, and the man suffered from thirst. A woman  from the state came by and said: “Hi there my friend. We have a program to put solar panels on your roof and install a grey water system to irrigate your plants. We calculate that this for all of our single family homes will actually put electricity back into the grid, eliminating the need for any new coal or nuclear plants, and save our system of aqueducts.” “No,” said the man. “I’m a firm believer in God. He will rescue me. I know he will. My bills keep going up, and the TV tells me that this is Socialism. If the free market hasn't come up with this solution, we can't leave it to the government, which is the problem, and can never do anything right.” The woman from the state drove away.

It kept getting hotter and dryer. The man finally ran out of water, collapsed and died of dehydration and malnutrition.

When the man died, he went to heaven. When entering heaven, he had an interview with God.

After giving a polite greeting and sitting down, the man asked: “Where were you. I waited and waited, in great pain. I was sure you would rescue me from the heat and drought, as I have been a firm believer all my life, and have only done good to others. So where were you when I needed you?”

God scratched his head, twisted his confused looking face and answered: “I don’t get it either. I sent you a scientist, an engineer, solar panels and wind turbines.”